Outside The Box

Yesterday was a beautiful day, and I got to spend it at home, more or less. I was required to be there between the hours of 7 AM and 7 PM in case our telecom service provider’s technician drove by. Usually, they call to give a heads up, but we didn’t have a dial tone. If they did drive by, between 7 AM and 7 PM, and we weren’t home, the automated voice system had threatened to charge us $50 as a penalty. If your phone is out, and you’re not self-employed or retired, I suppose you’re out of luck. And 50 bucks.

The problem began like a squeaky wheel. Someone would call, and we would pick up. Both parties would hear a screeching sound, like an old fax machine trying to establish a connection. Then an automated voice would repeat, “Enter code. Enter code.” “Steve” over in Bangalore suggested the problem might be my old answering machine, so I bought a new one.

The problem persisted. Technicians came and went. The problem went away and then came back. Then calls started dropping out. Next, at random times during the day or night, we would have no dial tone. I got a call from a tech saying that they were waiting for parts. Another month went by.

At first, we thought we were alone, but we found out that several of our neighbors were experiencing the same problems. Whatever our brave new world brings, I submit that we will survive it by getting to know our neighbors.

I miss being able to call Cornelia when I had a phone issue and talk to someone whose voice I recognized. I’m not saying that “James” in Hyderabad and “Chloe” in the Dominican Republic were not helpful. They were actually quite friendly. There’s just something satisfying about doing business with a neighbor and knowing that everyone involved has skin in the game.

We’ll call our fictional telecommunications company “Static by Gustpuddle.” Gustpuddle was formed in 2006 when another fictional local provider, “Tellall,” merged with still another provider spawned from GTE. Before that, our area was served by the non-fictional entity, Standard Telephone Company, out of Cornelia, Georgia, for 95 years, from 1904 to 1999.

So how did I talk to James and Chloe without a dial tone and with no cell service in our valley? Good question. The answer is Wi-Fi calling, which usually works quite well unless you pick up the smartphone or look at it. In any event, that quit working too when the internet service went down. It’s also provided by Gustpuddle and breezes in on the same (old) copper lines the pioneers used.

That’s part of the problem. We have miles of old copper lines in the mountains, and not just in NE Georgia – 100 million Americans still have landlines. That’s bad news for the telecoms because the FCC requires them to provide service for anyone who requests it, regardless of location. As a result, areas with a lot of old copper have been passed around like a game of corporate “hot potato,” bundled by the bigger players and sold to smaller providers at what must have seemed like bargain prices until lightning struck.

Electricity loves to explore anything that will provide it passage, and miles of copper surrounded by damp cotton sheathed in cracked lead alloy are an irresistible attraction when lightning hits the ground. It will run as far as it is able, sometimes for miles, before it’s stopped by a severed connection – usually the melted wires in your splice box or the DSLAM or even your phone, modem, router, stereo, or the lightbulb in your refrigerator.

Whatever the case, the guys in the trucks, whether they hailed from Gustpuddle, Tellall, or Standard, have always come to the rescue. I had a friend who got to wear three different telecom uniforms before he retired, serving the same customers. At least they don’t have to commute from Hyderabad, though the companies they work for would probably outsource their contributions or replace them with robots if they could manage it. They are the same neighbors and friends who have always rolled out when there was trouble, and no matter how frustrating the corporations who pay their salaries might be, it’s not the fault of the guy who goes where James tells Chloe to tell him to go.

There is a glimmer of hope for copper customers. Slowly and as surely as a soured economy can manage, the telecoms are replacing copper with fiber optic lines. Even the always benevolent government is aware of the problem and has provided millions of dollars in grants for “last mile” high-speed internet service for people just like us who are underserved by the 21st Century. Of course, that’s a bit like the last mile of the Colorado River as it trickles into Mexico, unless you happen to live on a pig trail leading to the estate of a board member of a company who received a grant.

In other words, this may take a while, but by the time we do get reliable phone and high-speed internet, I hope to have at least the level of service as my friend who lives in Sierra Leone in Africa.

Our technician never came by, but today we do have dial tone AND internet service. I feel like we should all celebrate. The guys have been working on this on and off for about 3 months. Some people have even stopped trying to call us, so you see, there is always a silver lining. Or a lead one. And by the way, you might want to avoid investing in any of the companies possessed of a lot of old copper lines. Remember that lead sheathing we mentioned earlier? That’s a problem for the soil and the water supply. A huge problem.