Outside The Box

A year ago we published our first annual humorous attempt at a short list of pet peeves that were begging to be laughed at. What laughter doesn’t cure, it comforts. A year later and gratitude still overcomes annoyance, and what annoys us will still make us stronger if it doesn’t kill us, but on the show!

At the top of the list this morning are things that are coiled. Coiled things are destined to become tangled things, and tangled things can be tripped over, like the garden hose if you’re in a hurry, and the electrical cord, and the tow rope. God created the helix, as in the ones that contain our DNA. The Devil flattened that into a coil. Serpents coil before they strike. Perhaps that is why every wife since Eve has been epigenetically averse to coiling up the garden hose after she’s done using it, and on that note, it’s too bad copperheads aren’t made of the same cheap material as most garden hoses. If they were, I would wear sandals in the garden because every coiled snake would spring into a hard knot if they tried to strike.

Which brings us to our second peeve, and one that can show up on any list of peeves any time of year: Cheapness. There must be billions being spent on the art and science of making things cheaper. How thin can we make it before it breaks? How long do we need it to last until the customer will tolerate having to buy another one when it fails? What is the least amount of durability necessary to survive being shoved into a box with a glass jar of peanut butter and a sheet of brown paper before bouncing around in the back of a FedEx truck? How long do we need to fill the old bag with air until the customer won’t notice when we make the new bag smaller and call it “Family Size?”

Every company claims to be committed to quality, but once again, commitment—or the lack of it—is on the list. Follow me down the rabbit hole for a moment. We’re all aware of the mental health crisis affecting the youngest generations, and the widespread use of psychiatric drugs among older generations suggests the problem spans across all ages. While there’s no single explanation or solution, perhaps we can address one cultural aspect that might be within our power to change.

The ability to make and keep commitments is essential to self-esteem. We build self-worth by making responsible choices and following through on those commitments, even when it is inconvenient or unpleasant to do so. Without commitment, a society falls apart when it doesn’t show up for work on time, or tighten the bolts properly, or return the calls, or pay the debts, or feed the kids and get them off to school.

There have been slackers as long as there have been humans, but the issue was clearer in the past. The concept of honor was more universally shared before moral relativism began to overtake things like faith and patriotism and being true to your word. Now we can rationalize and justify our way out of any commitment with the speed of a computer processor.

Well, that’s not humorous at all, but you never know where the rabbit hole will take you. We’ll end on a positive note, however. Last year the Post Office was at the top of our list of peeves, but not anymore. There was never a problem with our local carriers, but as for the Atlanta to Palmetto oscillation syndrome, it’s amazing the difference a year can make.

Since we complained last year, the Postal Service has addressed the problem in a number of ways. They have expanded their delivery reach. Workers are allowed to leave the facility earlier and travel farther, which improves reliability for remote customers. They have improved routing accuracy using a five-digit regional code to replace the old three-digit system, which boosts delivery precision, especially in rural areas. And they have introduced a three-phase tracking system to give customers more visibility into mail and package movement. Are you listening, FedEx?

One more peeve before we go: Dogs that spend the morning walk sniffing the air and contemplating the unbearable lightness of being, and then discover they have to go just when you’ve settled back in the chair with your cup of coffee. See you next week.